Death Match

Before I begin I must say that next week's Death Match is going to be one for the ages.  Just think...I will  have worked on it for a whole week.  Until then, if you want to follow this blog, you will have to read the following rubbish.

Jacob vs. Edwin...er...Edward

Whether you're into the "Twilight" series or not, you have probably heard of the pop culture battle between the character of Jacob vs. the vampire Edward (still a character, not an actual vampire).  Discussions on the topic plaster the Internet.  In fact, YouTube is host to many humorous videos that hash out the finer details of the argument.  If you're not familiar with this epic teen hocus pocus I'll quickly bring you up to speed and then reveal which team I'm on.

Jacob is an Indian from a tribe with a history of "shape-shifters" that turn into werewolves.  These wolves protect their land and their people from vampire harm.  The werewolves appear whenever vampires are present for extended periods of time.  Jacob is one of these shape-shifters.  He spends most of every movie with his shirt off.  He is built a little bit like a tank.  He rides motorcycles and does other faux bad boy things.

In real life Jacob is Taylor Lautner.  He dated Taylor Swift and hosted SNL where he did a lot of jumping around showing off his karate skillz.  His karate skillz are top level as he was actually trained by the blue power ranger (I'm not kidding).

Overall Jacob is as cool a character as any teen novel personality can be.  It's not saying much, but you get the picture.

Edward is a pretty boy vampire.  The problem with Edward is that, while vampires are supposed to be cool and uber dangerous, Edward is sort of a wiener.  I suppose I can respect that he is the "old fashioned" sort who does everything right.  He is of the finer class.  He plays the piano and is super duper intelligent.  Where he loses credibility is the fact that his character is made out to be above perfection.  He is scrawny and pale, cold, and...the worst part...prepare yourself...he glistens in the sun.  Yes, that's right, he glistens.  I mean that's what girls call their sweat.  The sun hits him and his skin lights up like a Christmas tree.  Ed also carries around this discontented glare throughout the movies as well.  He is a real bummer of person who never laughs, looks happy, or even so much as smiles throughout.  He may be a vampire, but the more I get to know him, the more I'm sure I could take him one on one.  After all...he glistens.  

In real life he's just as odd.  He is an actor, producer, and model.  He has been quoted as having said he hopes to one day start his own religion because it would be cool to have followers.  I'm sure in real life he glistens too.

So...now to reveal the winner of the Death Match...

(Ashley Greene)

Go Team Alice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Death Match

Fiction vs. Non-Fiction

Fiction is not true, non-fiction is true.  Fiction can be fantastical and therefor really fun and exhilarating.  However, the right non-fiction story can leave you speechless and astounded.  This is a tough one.  There is a book called "Death in the Long Grass."  I read it once when I was younger.  I think my parents had it.  It is non-fiction and it is about the different animals of Africa.  It is written by a professional hunting guide who would take rich people from America out on safari hunts for wild game.  It covers stories of man-eating lions, hippos, and the like.  It is absolutely fascinating.  On the other hand I remember reading Jurassic Park until the wee hours of the morning, falling asleep, dreaming about it, then waking up in the middle of the night to continue reading because I was so wrapped up in it.  

In the end it is a tie.  Find a good book and go read it.  Do yourself a favor though, if you choose non-fiction, choose a story or a biography.  Avoid the how to live life better books that plaster Christian bookstore shelves.  Just this time around.  They have their place and there are certain authors such as C.S. Lewis and Dietrich Bonhoeffer who are always worth reading, but this time I suggest avoiding theology altogether.  If you must, just read the actual Bible.  It will be FAR better for you in the long run.

OH THE BIBLE!!!!  NON-FICTION!!!!  I guess non-fiction wins by default.


Post the name of the book YOU will be reading next.

An impressive athletic debut

Ever since this kid named Stephen Strasburg had 14 strikeouts and got the win in his major league pitching debut I've been thinking about athletes who have made an instant impression on their sport. It reminded me of the following story, which may be the single most impressive athletic debut in the history of football.

It was the fall of 1977, and a junior at Muscatine High School was about to make his first start at quarterback for the varsity football team. His name: Mark Rohde (that would be our dad).

Dad's favorite play to run was something known as a "pop-pass." When the offense runs a pop-pass, the quarterback takes the snap and immediately dumps a pass over the middle to his tight end who is running a quick slant pattern. Unfortunately for my dad (and the entire Muscatine Muskies football team), things didn't go quite as planned.

The pop-pass was called. Dad took the snap from the center, stood up, and dumped the pass right to where the tight end was supposed to be. But the tight end wasn't there. He had been knocked on his butt by the defensive end. Instead, dad's pass went right into the arms of the linebacker, who returned the pass for a touchdown the other way.

But that, of course, is not the end of the story. Throwing an interception that's returned for a touchdown doesn't make for a great debut, but it's certainly not one of history's most impressive.

A short time later, when the Muskies were back on offense, the play was called again. Again the tight end got knocked on his butt. Again dad fired the pass to what would have been the right place. Again the linebacker caught it, and again he ran it back for a touchdown. Ok, so TWO interceptions returned for touchdowns.

Then it happened again. Exact same play. Exact same outcome. The Muskies were down by three touchdowns, and it was still the first half.

But we're not done yet.

After the third interception return for a touchdown the Muscatine coach thought he better take his young starter out of the game. So he did. Smart move? Perhaps.

Time was winding down in the 1st half, and Muscatine desperately needed to get on the board. So they called a half-back pass play. This is where the running back gets the ball as if it's a run play, but then he stops and makes a throw downfield where, hopefully, the defense has abandoned the receiver because they thought they needed to go after the running back. But with a half-back pass, you usually need a running back who has some ability to throw the football. So the coach put dad in at the running back position.

The quarterback took the snap and pitched it back to dad, who stopped and made his throw downfield. The throw got intercepted. And returned it for a touchdown.

At halftime the score stood Muskies 0, Bad Guys 28. Dad likes to brag that in his first varsity start he threw four touchdown passes in the first half... and that's technically a true statement. Unfortunately, they were all to the other team. Woops.

Epilogue: Believe it or not, dad went on to be a fairly successful high school quarterback. His senior year he led the Muskies to a winning record -- something they wouldn't achieve again for almost 20 years.

Death Match

This week's death match is a little unconventional, but seeing as this is only the second death match ever, that is a rather funny statement.  It is MY column so I can do what I want.

A couple weeks ago I was called up by my brother who said something like, "Nobody really posts on this blog so I think that we should each have a column to write."  We quickly decided that I would pit two things against each other and say why one is better than the other.

SO...
This week's death match is
JOEL VS. JAKE AND JASE

Joel follows through, and they don't.  The End.