Death Match

Before I begin I must say that next week's Death Match is going to be one for the ages.  Just think...I will  have worked on it for a whole week.  Until then, if you want to follow this blog, you will have to read the following rubbish.

Jacob vs. Edwin...er...Edward

Whether you're into the "Twilight" series or not, you have probably heard of the pop culture battle between the character of Jacob vs. the vampire Edward (still a character, not an actual vampire).  Discussions on the topic plaster the Internet.  In fact, YouTube is host to many humorous videos that hash out the finer details of the argument.  If you're not familiar with this epic teen hocus pocus I'll quickly bring you up to speed and then reveal which team I'm on.

Jacob is an Indian from a tribe with a history of "shape-shifters" that turn into werewolves.  These wolves protect their land and their people from vampire harm.  The werewolves appear whenever vampires are present for extended periods of time.  Jacob is one of these shape-shifters.  He spends most of every movie with his shirt off.  He is built a little bit like a tank.  He rides motorcycles and does other faux bad boy things.

In real life Jacob is Taylor Lautner.  He dated Taylor Swift and hosted SNL where he did a lot of jumping around showing off his karate skillz.  His karate skillz are top level as he was actually trained by the blue power ranger (I'm not kidding).

Overall Jacob is as cool a character as any teen novel personality can be.  It's not saying much, but you get the picture.

Edward is a pretty boy vampire.  The problem with Edward is that, while vampires are supposed to be cool and uber dangerous, Edward is sort of a wiener.  I suppose I can respect that he is the "old fashioned" sort who does everything right.  He is of the finer class.  He plays the piano and is super duper intelligent.  Where he loses credibility is the fact that his character is made out to be above perfection.  He is scrawny and pale, cold, and...the worst part...prepare yourself...he glistens in the sun.  Yes, that's right, he glistens.  I mean that's what girls call their sweat.  The sun hits him and his skin lights up like a Christmas tree.  Ed also carries around this discontented glare throughout the movies as well.  He is a real bummer of person who never laughs, looks happy, or even so much as smiles throughout.  He may be a vampire, but the more I get to know him, the more I'm sure I could take him one on one.  After all...he glistens.  

In real life he's just as odd.  He is an actor, producer, and model.  He has been quoted as having said he hopes to one day start his own religion because it would be cool to have followers.  I'm sure in real life he glistens too.

So...now to reveal the winner of the Death Match...

(Ashley Greene)

Go Team Alice!!!!!!!!!!!!!